One Tuesday Morning
by theCalliope
Summary: Spock loves Nyota, but she doesn't feel the same way.


Walking onto the bridge, Spock sees Kirk fiddling with the wiring beneath a console. Spock moves towards the unit and hovers over him.

"I saw Nyota this morning, she looked terrible," Jim says softly. Spock looks down carefully and swallows.

"I feel ill," he betrays himself.

Jim nods slowly, as if this was the answer he was expecting, but there's a sadness in his eyes. He stares up, as if searching for something to say, but then looks down at the wires again.

"I can fix that," offers Spock.

He gazes into the console as his fingers twist the wires automatically. The pain overwhelms him as he begins to absorb what just happened.

Weakly, he wonders where he went wrong. How this could have happened. Whether it had been his fault.

She had changed everything. Maybe that was the mistake. It had all been so beautiful, so unexpected. How could she have not realized what she'd meant to him?

There was that first day, the shuttle simulation that crashed, leaving them trapped for hours.

"Don't worry, I'll get you out," the technician yelled, but neither of them worried. Instead, they flirted madly, teasing each other and making jokes. She tossed her hair. He grabbed her arm and traced constellations on it as he described his last mission. It was then that he gave up his last bit of resistance.

"There are rules," he told her uncertainly, "But I suspect that no one is watching."

Then there was the morning after the dam had burst, freeing a cascade of kisses, shed clothes and pleasure.

When it was time for class, he tried to lift her off his chest, but she fought back.

"No," she screamed playfully, holding on.

"You need to go to class," he stated, pushing her away again.

"You can write me a note," she suggested audaciously.

He tried to protest, but she caught him in long kiss. At first, he resisted, but his resolve weakened and he let her fall towards him. She looked at him knowingly and laughed. He was going to write her a note. He gave her a slight grin. She must have known he loved her. He wouldn't do this for just anyone.

Then there was the day he watched in blank horror as his planet collapsed. They had fought about her assignment before they boarded the Enterprise, and maybe that should have caused a sliver of a doubt, but in the tragedy, it was all forgotten. She came to him in the turbolift with tears in her eyes and followed him when he was ordered off the bridge

"I need you so badly," he whispered as he held her, spent, against his naked body. She looked worried and disturbed, but he never thought much of it. It wasn't every day you witnessed mass genocide. It was only logical that she should be upset.

Things were rough back at the Academy, but that was to be expected. They were very busy, trying to graduate the cadet class as early as possible, and they were both plagued by grief. He was pleased when he returned to the Enterprise. Now that they had the time and were away from the memories, maybe they could start over.

Spock told this to Nyota, but she didn't share his enthusiasm.

"We'll be even busier on a starship," she responded.

He wondered if his logic was rubbing off on her, but didn't make much of it. He leaned forward and stroked her hair and wondered what he'd done to deserve such a beautiful girl.

She did have a lot to do, but he was happy to see her whenever they had time. And he felt secretly thrilled whenever he ran into her.

One day after his shift, Spock walked into Entertainment Room 1 expecting to join the crowd, but instead saw McCoy sitting across the table from his daughter. She was wearing a poofy dress, there was a balloon tied to the chair and the table was covered with ice cream and pink pastries, treats fit for a princess who didn't like cake.

"I did not know you had the room booked," Spock said quickly and left. Walking down the hall, he pictured the little girl and mused that while he'd never really thought of kids, he wouldn't mind a little Nyota. He suspected he would spoil her terribly.

But he realized he hadn't seen Nyota for awhile, at least a couple of days. It wasn't unusual that they wouldn't meet but it was strange that he hadn't seen her in the corridors at all. He decided to attend that evening's social, knowing he would see her there.

It was crowded, far more crowded than he'd expected. He spent the better part of half an hour looking for her. Finally, he saw her in the distance, walking out the door. Those long legs, fine hands and dark eyes, he would know them anywhere. He went out the back, trying to avoid navigating the crowd.

As he walked towards where he'd seen her exit, he heard her talking in the distance.

"I don't know what to do," she wailed, "It was just a stupid crush on a teacher."

He walked off quickly.

For three whole days, he desperately, illogically avoided her. Perhaps he hoped she'd change her mind. Or perhaps he was afraid to face it.

On the fourth day, on his way to bridge, he saw her. She walked up to him purposefully.

"Hello, Nyota," he tried hopefully.

"Spock, we need to talk."

Staring into the console, Spock pictures the anguished expression on her face as she told him. He'd shown her more of himself than he'd ever shown anyone, and in the end she turned around and walked away.

Feeling heavy, he wonders if he will ever be able to tell anyone what had happened. If he will ever be able to open up again. His hands click mechanically as he twists the last pair of wires and slides the unit closed.

* * *

**_A/N: This story is for ship wars prompt 2 (Without you my sun don't shine). I haven't lost my enthusiasm for the pairing or anything :)_**


End file.
